And/But...

It's tough to enjoy food around an anorexic. Living here, when Karen's here also, I pack my breakfast, lunch and dinner for the day and bring into my office, room. That's how I have to adapt because of her disease. I eat lukewarm pasta from a tupper ware bowl so I don't have to bump into Karen in the kitchen. I always wonder why she makes so much noise in the kitchen. She's not feeding herself. If I have to leave my office I see her in the same chair, watching television and lifting a spoon with nothing in it to her mouth. If she says anything I, or anybody else that she talks to, ask her to repeat herself; all of her lower teeth fell out recently because of mal nutrition.

And if I make something, she watches. She'll notice, say, how much butter I use and say, "Don't worry. Just enjoy your food." Her giving me advice? Yup, it's absurd.

She's probably coming back from anorexia treatment next week. And I'm so relaxed right now, I want to be gone next year. Karen does have sweet qualities but her anorexia takes over. Is it mean to leave because she's my sister and she desperately needs help/attention/something?

Talking about it won't do anything, obviously. What's needed is action.

"And who are you to judge her?" Anybody with sense would ask.

"I'm the last person to judge anybody!" I yell and mean it. And. But.