One Essay/Excerpt - Ludicrous yet True and by Sheila Cull

“Bridgette,” I shouted from my concierge desk. Like Tigger, she bounced throughout the lobby. I had to stop her, “you look so skinny! How?”

Bridgette, eyes wide like saucers, said, “I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone. His name is Dr. Peverto, here's his number. You get a vitamin B shot and you have to weigh lots more on your first visit.”

“What? Wait!” I yelled.

Bridgette instantly disappeared, as in a lightening bolt.

I lifted the phone and made a next day appointment. Okay, but how to gain 70 pounds by tomorrow?

In the morning, I pulled on thick socks, two thick sweaters, a jacket and wide pants. I still weighed 129 pounds. I entered Benjamin’s closet room and looked at a pair of his hide or slide snowshoe boots. The doctor won't ask what size my shoes are, I reasoned. Two more pairs of thick wooly socks and the boots almost fit. I got back on the scale, 130 pounds, barely. I went to Ben's office and put a staple gun in each pocket, still 130. This would require something drastic, “but what?” I asked myself.

I replaced the staple gun with a power drill. Clearly you could see the power drill handle stick out of my pocket but I reasoned the doctor would have no reason to touch me. I pulled on Ben’s oversized airplane jacket with twelve pockets, some hidden. I went to his workout room and secured four round five pound weights in one pockets, same in opposite pocket. I felt heavy and cheered. There were still available pockets. From Benjamin's toolbox, I zipped up screwdrivers, a hammer and rusted things, of their purpose I knew not.

Returning to the bathroom scale, I made noise and sounds that only had to be weird noise.
I thought, “Although how could the doctor legally question why I clamored when I moved? So I comforted myself about the sudden weight gain. “This’ll have to do.” I said to the mirror, who in turn reflected a now lumpy, uneven body.

Adroitly, I tip toed down the steps. Benjamin, hard of hearing, in kitchen with his father Seymour, harder of hearing, of course heard me.

“Sheila, where are you going?” Ben asked.